DesigNing

 Letters inspired by films. 因電影啟發的信件。

Jan. 20, 2011 The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

 Death,

     You are overwhelming.

     Just when I thought you had left me alone for once. Just when I was doing great, weaving success, fame, and wealth into Jean-Dominique Bauby’s story, granting him a loving wife and three beloved children, and of course, icing the cake with a mistress so as not to bore him.

Just when I thought everything was going to plan, you had to come along. In just a few seconds, you destroyed all that I had strived to create in 43 years. Oh, you are a pro at this; you knew just what to do. You didn’t even let me have a say in it. I had planned a perfect day for Jean-Do, waking up in bed with his lover, driving to his ex-wife’s house in his new car, being warmly welcomed by his three adorable children, and taking his only son out for a ride. If I had had my way, father and son would have had plenty of man talk, the tension between man and former wife would have lessened, and Jean-Do would have felt less guilty of abandoning his family. There would have been a happy ending.

But, oh no, you hate happy endings; that is your greatest pet peeve. You had to step in; you had to prevent Jean-Do from redeeming himself. You schemed, you planned, and you came up with the best solution to your problem. In a blink of an eye, you took away everything that I had given him, and you did it with efficiency. You took away his body.

But perhaps you’ve aged. You weren’t as successful as you thought you were. With the help of professionals, friends, and family, Jean-Do managed to write a book, a memoir for himself. He was still able to express his regret for not being the best husband and father. He could still tell everyone that. In the end, he still redeemed himself. You were angry at your own mistake and so you took him away from me. But you were too late.

I’ll tell you where you went wrong. You took his body, but you didn’t take his left eyelid, his imagination, his memories, his hope. Yes. The 43 years I spent nurturing him, you didn’t think I only gave him what you could see, did you? Perhaps you left him with an eyelid because you thought it was funny, but with just that, and with all the invisible things that I had planted into his soul –will, strength, love, and so on– I was able to yet again give a man’s story a bittersweet ending.

I won this time.

Sincerely,

Life

2011年1月20日　《潛水鍾與蝴蝶》

死亡：

真的是受不了你。

當我正覺得你終於沒有來破壞我的成就。當我正以為我做得很好，把成功、名氣、還有財富編進尚‧多明尼克‧鮑比的故事裡，讓他有個疼愛的妻子和三個可愛的小孩，還有理所當然地，用一個小三來點綴蛋糕以不至於讓他太無聊。

當我正想著一切都合乎計畫，你就來了。才幾秒鐘的時間內，你毀了我四十三年來精心策劃的作品。你真是專家啊，完全知道該做什麼。你連給我一點出路都沒有。我已經規劃好一個完美的一天給尚‧多明尼克了，在床上和外遇一起醒來、開新車到前妻家、被三個小孩熱情地歡迎、然後載唯一的兒子出去兜風。如果我的計畫成功，父子兩可以有很多時間可以聊天、男人和前妻的緊張感也會鬆弛一點、尚‧多明尼克也不會對於拋棄家人這件事那麼地自責了。原本會有好的結局的。

但是啊，你最討厭好結局了，那是最煩你的事了。你一定要出來制止，你不能不阻止尚‧多明尼克為自己恕罪。你想著、策劃著、設計出解決問題最好的方法。一眨眼的時間，你把我給了他的一切都奪走了，而且做事非常有效率。你搶走了他的身體。

不過可能你老了。你不像你想的那樣成功。在專業人士、家人、和朋友的協助下，尚‧多明尼克能夠寫一本書，一個自己的回憶錄。他還是能夠表達出沒有做一個盡責的丈夫和父親的懊悔。他還是可以告訴大家那些事。最後，他還是赦免了自己。你自己對自己的錯誤感到不高興，於是把他從我手中奪走了。但是你已經太遲了。

　　我來告訴你你哪裡出錯了。你奪取了他的身體，但是你沒有拿走他的左眼皮、他的想像力、他的記憶、他的希望。是呀。我花了四十三年培養他，你不會想說我只給了他你看得到的而已吧？可能你留給他一個眼皮因為你想說會很好笑，但是就只有那，還有我植入他的靈魂的一切看不見的事物─意志力、力量、愛、和其他的東西─我能夠再一次在一個人的生命中畫下甘苦的句點。

　　這次我贏了。

誠真地，

生命

-羅寗 Michelle Ning Lo